A Mother's Dictionary

A mother's dictionary would define the following words as such:

• Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the children would care to order a dessert.
• Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full Name: What you call your child when you're angry with him/her.
• Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
• Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
• Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into.
• Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
• Whodunit: None of the children who live in your house.
• Bottle-feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am.