What does a baby corn call his father?
Popcorn.
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What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.---
How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Light bulbs don't wear diapers.---How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.---
Three men in a bar were discussing coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading
A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins."
"That's funny," the second man remarked. "My wife was reading
The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets."
The third man shouted, "Oh no, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading
Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"
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Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny said, "Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"
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A Parent's Dictionary
Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has given birth to have sex again.
Bottlefeeding: An opportunity for Dad to get up at 2 a.m. too.
Carpet: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
Date: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
Drinking glass: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
Eat: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to stop you from falling into financial disaster.
Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate strained carrots.
Grandparents: People who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a rude word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Thunderstorm: A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.
Two-minute warning: When a baby's face turns red and he or she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
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Tell me a funny baby joke! Please keep it clean and appropriate.
