Pregnancy & Babyhood Articles I've Written

I've been writing for Baby Gaga, a pregnancy and babyhood site, for over a year now. It's been a while since I last updated you with the articles, and I no longer have this blog's Facebook page to post them. I get bonuses for the more views I get, so please read and share! It only takes a click. Tell me which one is your favorite or what topics you'd like me to write about! Thank you :)

100+ American Patriotic Baby Names

Problems Petite Women Face During Pregnancy

25 Colors That Make Unique Baby Names

En Caul Births Explained

10 Celebs That Would Make the Cutest Babies

25 Baby Girl Names Inspired by Flowers

15 Places You Should Put a Baby Gate

15 of the Best New Products of 2016 for Baby and Mom

8 Things You Learn About Yourself Through Your Pregnancy

How to Come Through "Mommy Wars" Without a Scratch

7 Ways to Deal With Unwanted Pregnancy Advice From In-Laws

Mommy Dating: Now I Know What It Feels Like to Be a Guy

illustration by Cécile Graat

Read the published article at Skirt Collective.

The Best Resources for Raising an Emotionally Healthy & Strong Girl

I have yet to be blessed with a little princess of my own, but that doesn't mean I haven't already thought about how I would want to raise her. And as a mother of two boys, I think that what we teach our sons about women is just as important as what we teach our daughters. I have found many excellent online resources for raising emotionally healthy, secure, confident girls--and boys who will support them.

A Mighty Girl

This source is my favorite for its thoroughness. It has inspirational quotes from influential women, true stories about women from history and current events, lists of books about such women or featuring strong fictional female characters, and advice about how to address sensitive subjects concerning womanhood.

Beauty Redefined

Founded by twin sisters, this site lives up to its name: to redefine the standard of beauty and encourage women to love themselves and change their priorities. Its motto is "See more. Be more." It also contains resources on how to teach modesty in an unshameful way for those who believe in certain dress codes.

Fight the New Drug

Dear to my heart, this movement is attacking the incredibly prevalent and harmful pornography industry. It reveals through science and personal stories (no religion or politics) how porn kills love and what a real relationship should look like. It helps both men and women see each other and themselves as more than just sexual objects.

Improving Birth
 

As a woman, giving life is a wonderful and personal privilege, and the manner in which it happens should be dictated by us mothers. This organization is increasing awareness of and changing women's rights in birth so we can make informed choices, feel respected and empowered, and improve our and our babies' health. It is never too early to ingrain this into our children.

Darling Magazine

This magazine is about the art of being a woman and covers all aspects of womanhood. It focuses on inner beauty and personal development. It has stunning photography while keeping it real. You can read my more in-depth blog post about the magazine here.

What are your favorite resources for developing strong women?

Since When Did Sharing Become a Bad Thing?

lds.org

I'm tired of coming across articles of why a mom doesn't make her kids share. Since when did sharing become a bad thing? Since people have misunderstood what it means to teach your child to share, that's when! We live in a world of parenting extremes, where people think if you do or don't do something a certain way, [insert extreme outcome here]. Some moms fear that teaching their kids to share means their children will give everyone what they want when they want it, at their children's own expense.

Um, no.

That's called being unassertive, acquiescent, and indulgent, qualities usually found in people who are bullied, abused, or just plain insecure. Sharing teaches children to be polite, respectful, friendly, compassionate, selfless, and charitable. And teaching children to share is just as much about when to do it as it is about how to do it. Sharing doesn't mean sacrificing what you have, like some martyr. It can simply mean letting someone else have a turn or playing together.

Here are the rules we follow:

• If you invite friends over to play, allow them to play with your toys. Otherwise, what's the point of them coming over? If there are special toys you don't want others to touch, hide the toys before your friends arrive.
• If you are in a public place with your toy, you are not obligated to share but it is kind to do so, especially when another child is asking politely and not just trying to take it away. It's much more fun and friendly to let other kids play with you and your toys at the park or pool!
• If it's community property, whether among siblings or strangers, you must take turns. It is rude to hog a toy. In the real world, you have to wait your turn for things and then move on so the next person can go. Same principle applies with toys that aren't yours. The exception is if no one else wants the toy.

It is also important to teach children how to act when they are ones that want the toy, not just when they are the ones with the toy.

• If there is a toy you want that someone else is playing with, politely ask if you can have a turn or can play together with the toy. If the child says yes, say thank you, treat the toy nicely, and return it when you are done. If the child says no, respect his or her choice and find something else to play with. Do not snatch the toy away or throw a tantrum.
• Parents, do not give judgmental looks or make snide remarks within earshot if another child doesn't share. Once you are gone, you can take the opportunity to talk to your children about what happened. For example, if your little ones don't like to share, you can ask them what it felt like to be on the other side of the situation.

There are countless possible scenarios, so these are just general guidelines. The point is to show children it is good to share what we have with others. Of course there are times when sharing is not required or even a good idea at all, but most times, sharing begets friendship, respect, gratitude, and happiness among all involved. And hopefully, learning how and when to share will help my children grow up to be generous, considerate adults.

So, yes, I'm teaching my kids to share!

My Favorite Parenting Resources

photo by Svilen Milev

As a mother who tries to practice attachment parenting, I am grateful there are so many trustworthy resources out there for me to use. Here are my favorite sites to refer to:


General Help
Dr. Sears
I love his site best because it combines attachment parenting (AP) with medical knowledge from a real pediatrician and covers every topic you can think of.

Mama Natural
Genevieve gives great advice via her blog and YouTube videos for those who want not only to practice AP but also to try to live a more natural lifestyle. Although I am nowhere near as crunchy as she, I like to consult her site for basic info about natural practices and opinions and have even adopted some of them, such as skipping baby cereals with Gabe.

Elizabeth Pantley
Elizabeth Pantley is my idol. When I was at my limits with Caden's sleeplessness and no one was giving me the help I needed, a former babysitter came to my aid and introduced me to Pantley's most famous book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It changed my life! Pantley has also written books on no-cry solutions for picky eating, separation anxiety, discipline, and potty training.

Breastfeeding Help
La Leche League International
This site not only has answers to every breastfeeding question, but also articles of first-hand experiences with breastfeeding issues, mother-to-mother forums, breastfeeding laws, and links to other helpful resources. You can also find your local chapter to join for support.

Breast Is Best 
BiB is a Facebook page for women to give and receive support for breastfeeding. They share articles, statistics, photos, recipes, other resources, and related products, and answer your questions. Want more privacy? Then join their closed group, Breast Friends United.

Kellymom
Run by an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), this site provides evidence-based information on breastfeeding and answers those tougher and more specific questions about breastfeeding that you can't find elsewhere.

There is one popular AP site I do not like to visit. Those who lean toward AP and natural lifestyles accuse traditionalists of using inappropriate argumentative tactics--like extreme-case scenarios, guilt, and fear--instead of using reason, factual evidence, and respect to convince people to follow their ways. This blogger uses the same shameful tactics, and although we share some ends, I do not agree with her means to get there.

Which parenting sites do you like? Are there any you don't care for?

"Let It Go" - Mom Parody

Although I am a little tired of this song, I couldn't resist sharing this cute parody with you!

Bad Parenting Advice

I saw this thread about unsolicited bad advice on the Facebook page Breast is Best. Most of the responses were shocking, while others were downright crazy! What's the worst parenting advice you've ever received?

More How to Prevent (Some) Tantrums

Last year I wrote a post about how to prevent some tantrums. As Little Misters has grown older and presented new challenges, I have had to come up with more ways to prevent tantrums. Feel free to share yours in the comments!

Give a Timeline
When you want to tell your children about a fun event planned for later in the day but want to avoid them constantly asking if it is time to go, include when you will go in relation to your everyday schedule. For example, "Today we're going to the park after nap time/chores/dinner." (Or you could just surprise them. Then, if they didn't deserve to go, they will never know and thus can't throw a tantrum.)

This response also helps in establishing an everyday schedule by preparing your kids for the next part of your daily routine. For example,"You can watch one more episode and then we will have lunch and take a nap." When kids know what to expect, they are less likely to get upset, as they would if you just turned off the TV and said, "Nap time!"

It also works for when your kids ask to watch a movie, play outside, or eat a treat but need to complete something first. Instead of saying no and inciting a tantrum, say yes followed by "after you [insert action]." For example, "Yes, you can have a cookie, after you finish your salad." Of course, if they do not complete the action, then they do not get what they asked for.

If there are any limitations that come with the permission, express them immediately and remind your child again once they get the activity/treat. For example, "Yes, you can have a cookie after you finish your salad, but only one cookie." [Child finishes salad.] "Here is your cookie. Remember, you only get one." Your child then will be less likely to whine for more or throw a tantrum when you say no to more.

Explain Why Not
If the answer cannot be yes, explain why. Sometimes when kids understand why you are saying no, they accept it more easily. Examples:

• "No, you cannot have a cookie because there are none left."
• "No, we cannot go to the park right now because it is getting dark outside."
• "No, I cannot play with you because I am cooking dinner and then it will be time to eat."

Obviously, not every no will have a specific reason or one that a child can understand. But if you explain when you can, I think your kids will probably trust you the times you can't. Just don't give a stupid reason like "Because I said so."

If the answer is no right now but could be a yes tomorrow, include that in your explanation. Just be sure not to make any promises you can't keep. For example, in correlation with the above examples:

• "but we can make some more tomorrow."
• "but we can go in the morning after we get our chores done."
• "but after dinner we can play one game before bed."

Another idea, especially if there is no possibility of a yes at a different time, is to offer an alternative they may not have thought about. For example, (again, relating to the previous examples):

• "but you can have some blueberries."
• "but we can play together in your room."
• "but you can help me with dinner."

Be Consistent
If a tantrum still ensues, follow through with your discipline every time. What helped us was making a rules chart with clear consequences for home and in public so Caden knew to expect discipline no matter where we are. Knowing you mean business and are not just full of empty threats may deter your child from having future tantrums.

Guest Post: Intentional Speaking during Discipline

Today's post is by my intelligent, skilled friend Francine Sanchez, who works with autistic children. She has shared some advice about the language we use when disciplining.

The detail in which I talk to kids varies depending on age, but there is a lot of common ground. Intentional speaking during discipline can be organized into three stages: pre-consequence, consequence, and post-consequence.

PRE-CONSEQUENCE
As the name suggests, this part of discipline occurs before the child gets the consequence. During this time, language should be clear and specific, focusing on what to do rather than not to do and providing a clear choice. This gives the child the opportunity to make good choices before getting in trouble and to know why the consequences are happening. Don't talk about the bad behavior at this point.

• Ex. 1: Your child is rolling a toy car on the TV screen.
• Offer a choice: "Do you want to roll the car on the floor or do you want to put it away and play with something else?"
• If the child keeps rolling it on the TV screen, say "Okay, you want to put it away and play with something else." (By default, that choice was made).

• Ex. 2: On a walk, your child is walking on the grass or curb and you are uncomfortable with it. 
• You may just instruct your child to keep his or her feet on the sidewalk, or you can say, "You can keep your feet on the sidewalk and walk by yourself or walk with me and hold my hand." No wrong choices there. 
• If the child doesn't respond, same thing, the choice is made by default: "Oh, you want to hold my hand - great! I want to hold your hand too," and you take his or her hand. 

CONSEQUENCE
There is very little talking at this part. If the child doesn't respond to your choices, you pretend like he or she chose the one with the consequence (as shown before).

If the child throws a tantrum, questions you, or whines, you can give one response, but no more than that. Sometimes, especially with argumentative kids, no response is needed. Your words were clear before the consequence and after the child made a choice. Any discussion should only take place when both the child and you are calm.

If the child is showing raw emotion, you can help him or her work through those feelings. Sometimes I narrate the feeling aloud for them: "You really liked that toy. I see your lips are turning down and your face looks sad - do you need a hug?" You can even comfort saying, "I'm so sorry the toy had to go away." (Stay away from taking responsibility for what happened. You did not take the toy away; the child made that choice. This helps with accountability. Don't rub it in his or her face, but just the phrasing "sorry that it had to go away" instead of "sorry I took it away" makes a difference.)

If the child is angry, wait for the post-consequence stage to talk about it. Sometimes narrating angry feelings can increase a tantrum. Furthermore, you don't want to give attention during a tantrum. I think waiting for the tantrum to pass without talking or giving much attention to it or following through on any rules is best. For example, if you see the child throw a toy from the corner of your eye, you can simply lead them to the time-out chair to calm down there, without talking.


POST-CONSEQUENCE 
This stage can happen right before releasing a child from a time out, immediately after, or an hour later. It should be very close to when the child first returns to a calm state, no matter how short or long it takes, because this is the best time to talk through emotions. Summarize what happened and point out the behavior you didn't like.

• Ex. 1: Your child has a tantrum when you take away the car. After the tantrum is over:
• Older child: "I didn't really like it when you rolled the car on the TV. It really could have damaged the TV and we may not have been able to get a new one right away. I think the floor is a good place to roll the car. Can you think of other places as well?" (maybe sofa, tile in kitchen). Praise the child for those ideas and then offer A) "Well, we're not going to play with the cars again until tomorrow, but what do you want to play with now?" or B) "Do you want to roll the cars on the floor/sofa/tile or play with something else?"
• Younger child: "I like how you calmed down. Do we roll the car on the TV? Nooooo. Show me where we can roll the car." Praise the child for pointing to the appropriate places. If he or she points to the TV, help him or her point to the right place and then say, "The floor- that's right!" Then you have the same choice to wait until tomorrow to let the child play with the car or play again now. Most of the time, I say wait until the next day, but it depends on the child.

• Ex. 2: Your child chooses to hold your hand, or defaults to that by not listening but doesn't seem to mind when you pick up his or her hand.
• "I love it when you walk on the sidewalk. It scares me when you're so close to the cars. I like you safe with me." The discussion doesn't always have to be long.

During post-consequence, the child can ask questions if calm and if you are both honest with each other. Be honest with yourself too. You always want to follow through, but sometimes we make mistakes. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal that he or she was on the grass or curb and you can admit that you got scared.

I like this discipline model because it teaches kids to make their own choices, get little attention during the consequence, and then talk through their feelings and find answers when calm (good lessons for conflict resolution with friends, in life/marriage, etc.).

Most of this came from Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline, Applied Behavior Analysis and DIR: Floortime. I mixed up different methods over the years to include a mix of social, behavioral, and emotional development.

How to Teach Your Baby to Clean Up

Making his first mess!

Ever since Caden was a baby people have been amazed to see him clean up his toys and other messes. They were in awe that a child so young could and would do it. I think people greatly underestimate what babies and toddlers can do. They are little sponges just waiting to soak up every ounce of knowledge they can. We must take advantage of this time to instill in them good habits before they reach the age where they realize those things aren't fun to do! But if it's something they have been doing for as long as they can remember, it becomes second nature to them and they don't think twice about it.

That doesn't mean Caden is perfect. He still is 2! He sometimes gets distracted and starts playing with the toys again instead of cleaning them up. But overall, he is a clean child, especially when he spills something. He doesn't need me to tell him to clean it up because he freaks out! He's a little OCD about food getting on him or his eating area.

Anyway, here are some tips to help you teach your baby how to clean up the toys:

1. Start as soon as Baby can play with toys on his or her own, around 6 months. At the end of the day, sing the "Clean Up" song as you put away the toys while Baby watches you. It is important that Baby sees you do this and is not in another room or sleeping. 
2. Be consistent so Baby knows and expects this everyday. Once you've established the daily habit of cleaning up, help Baby pick up a toy or two and put them away.
3. Clean up more frequently as Baby's play times increase. Good times to clean up are before nap, before dinner, and before bed. You can also teach putting away one toy before getting out another.
4. Wait patiently for Baby to help you clean up on his or her own (Caden did at about 12 months). Never force it. Give lots of praise when it finally happens so Baby knows it is a good and positive thing to do. 
5. Continue to do this and soon you won't need to help at all! However, it is not bad to still help because it teaches your toddler team work and kindness (he or she is more likely to help you clean your messes in return).

As your baby becomes a toddler and starts to learn things like colors, shapes, and numbers, you can incorporate this learning into cleaning up. For example, ask your toddler to pick up a red toy. If your toddler gets distracted and wants to play with the toys again, make cleaning up a game. For example, pretending to wash the dishes in the play kitchen and putting them away, driving the cars back into their bucket, or pushing stuffed animals in a shopping cart to the bed.

Good luck! You and your baby can do this and have a mess free home!

Cookie Boot

Caden used to say book without the k at the end. Ever since he learned the word boat, he's confused them and added a t to the end of book. I try to teach him the right way and this is how it always goes.

"Say cookie," I tell him.

"Cookie," he says perfectly.

"Now say book."

"Boot," he says (pronounced like book, not boot).

"No. Kk. Cookie. Bookkk," I encourage.

"Cookie boot." And then he giggles. "Cookie boot!" More giggling.

I give up.

What to Expect When You're Expecting 3-Book Giveaway [CLOSED]

Raise your hand if you've read What to Expect When You're Expecting. The first thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was buy the book. I was absolutely clueless about pregnancy and childbirth! And I greatly fear the unknown. The title delivered its promise: the book gave me the basic facts I needed to lay a good foundation of knowledge that I built upon while making my birth plan.

You can imagine my excitement when their partnership director contacted me asking me if I would like to work with WhatToExpect.com, the website associated with the book. He sent me What to Expect When You're Expecting, What to Expect the First Year, and What to Expect the Second Year to review and is giving away sets of those 3 books to 2 lucky winners!

Smiles
*Extremely informative. Every question you can think of is answered!
*Sequenced so you can read what you need to at each stage of pregnancy and childhood, allowing you to take each section at a time instead of feeling you need to read the whole book at once.
*Includes indexes for easily finding answers you need right now.
*Written in a tone informal enough to feel like you are conversing with another mother yet authoritative enough that you feel confident in trusting the content.

Frowns
*Although the authors try to be unbiased and merely factual with certain controversial subjects, it is easy to tell which side they are promoting. So these books are best for mainstream moms or new mothers who haven't formed any parenting opinions yet. However, the authors frequently repeat something I strongly believe: only you know what is best for you and your baby, and a choice is right if it feels right to you.
*Repetitive: many questions are answered more than once.

Two of you lucky readers will win a set of the 3 What to Expect books! Perfect for you new mothers or to give as baby shower gifts.

Mandatory Entry: Browse WhatToExpect.com and tell me something you learned.

1 entry: Like What to Expect on Facebook. Leave your username.

1 entry: Like The Hand That Rocks the Cradle on Facebook. Leave your username.

1 entry: Follow What to Expect on Twitter (@whattoexpect).

1 entry: Follow this blog on Google Friend Connect.

1 entry each: Post this giveaway on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or your blog.

1 entry: Tell me if the books would be for you or someone else and why.

Please leave a separate comment for each entry. All entries must be submitted by 11:59 p.m. PDT on Wednesday, September 5. The winner will be announced Thursday, September 6. Please leave your email address in one of your entries so I can contact you if you win. This giveaway is open worldwide. Good luck!

How to Prevent (Some) Tantrums

My little helper spinning the lettuce.

One of the hardest parts of disciplining for me is picking my battles. I learned quickly to prevent some tantrums by using the following techniques.

No More Forbidden Fruit
The first is letting my toddler do usually forbidden things at appropriate times. For example, his aunt let him play with the lightswitches one day, and he wanted to continue playing with them all day. At first I said no, and of course he got upset. Then I made it a point to let him turn on and off the lights as needed. Because I let him do it at those times, he soon stopped asking to do it all the time. This technique has worked for a number of situations, usually those involving some sort of button or switch.

Little Helper
I used to get upset with my son taking the kitchenware out of the cabinets. Then I thought I'd put his knowledge of the kitchen to good use and had him help me put the clean dishes away. He loved it and still does. Now he always helps me unload the dishwasher and put away some dishes. He also helps me with the laundry.

Next to tackle was grocery shopping. I started by letting him put things in the cart and putting produce in the bags. But the last few months he has refused to sit in the cart, so now I also let him push the cart below me. Lately we've had lots of meltdowns at the store, though, because he wants to run around and grab everything, so I need to figure out my next step.

I also let Caden help me cook by helping him measure and stir things. If there is something he wants to do that is unsafe, I guide him to his play kitchen so he can pretend to do it.

Mine and Yours
Caden always wants to touch and use our things, so we get him his own. He has his own computer keyboard that I got at the thrift store for 50 cents, a fake cell phone that came with his play kitchen (also from the thrift store), and a fake TV remote. When he wants something of mine, I remind him he has own, be it books, toys, writing or eating utensils, food, etc. The fact that he has things that are specifically his usually satisfies him.

Choices
When I know Caden doesn't want to do something, I will give him choices of how to do it so that he feels he has some control and is more cooperative. For example, he usually refuses to go down for a nap and wants me to continue reading him books. I tell him he can either lie down by himself, have me lie down with him, or let me rock and sing him to sleep. Naturally, he chooses the latter options and falls alseep.

Quality Time
One of the most common causes of Caden's tantrums is lack of attention. We get so caught up in our own busy lives or relaxing days off that we often ignore Caden and expect him to entertain himself. I've been trying to be better about including him in my necessary activities, limiting unnecessary ones, and spending time with him with no distractions so that he knows and feels that I love and want to be with him.

What are some techniques you use to prevent tantrums?

Teaching Children To Be

Great parenting advice from a General Authority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Father's Day Jokes

From rd.com:

Pop Vs. Pup While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.” – Submitted by Karla J. Kasper

Paternal Payback On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked.
“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.” – Submitted by Kirsten Wiley

From fathersdaycelebration.com:

Letters between son and dad Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Dad


From Aha! Jokes (updated by me):

Fathers Then & Now
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's his car.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure the video camera is charged.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.
Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.

In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
Today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed. Pizza in fridge."

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE."

In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast, and a lecture on cholesterol.

In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he'll get an iPad.

In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.

In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."

In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters' suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So, how long have you had that earring?"

In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.
Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr. J and Mickey Mantle.

In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2012, fathers are never truly appreciated.

A Mother's Dictionary

A mother's dictionary would define the following words as such:

• Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the children would care to order a dessert.
• Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full Name: What you call your child when you're angry with him/her.
• Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
• Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
• Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into.
• Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
• Whodunit: None of the children who live in your house.
• Bottle-feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am.

Mommy Jokes

It's been a while since I've posted some jokes! Here are my favorites from Will and Guy's Funny Clean Jokes.

While assembling furniture, Liz asked her friend's six-year-old son, Ricky, to bring her a screwdriver.
"Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?"  Ricky politely inquired.
Confused by the question, Liz responded with, "Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver."
Ricky returned and handed her a butter knife.
-----
Jimmy Johnson forgot his lines in a Sunday school play. Luckily his is mother was in the front row especially to prompt him.
She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Jimmy's memory was completely blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."
Jimmy beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice announced, "My mother is the light of the world."
-----
4 years old - My mommy can do anything.
8 years old - My mom knows a lot.
12 years old - My mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 years old - Naturally, mother doesn't know that, either.
16 years old - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 years old - That old woman? She's way out of date.
25 years old - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 years old - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 years old - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it.
65 years old - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

What Is Attachment Parenting?

When people meet those who practice attachment parenting, they think of spoiled, whiny children who never are disciplined. Or they think the parents are Hippie or liberal. I should know; I used to be one of those judgmental people--until I became a parent and learned the truth about attachment parenting.

So, what is attachment parenting? Let's begin with what it's not, adapted from an article by Dr. Sears:

1. Attachment parenting is not new. It isn't something born from the 70s or liberalism. "In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisors came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies." It is also called natural parenting because it feel natural and instinctive.

2. Attachment parenting is not indulgent parenting. "Attachment parenting is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no.' . . . Attachment parenting is a question of balance –not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive."

3. Attachment parenting is not martyr mothering. In the beginning you give a lot of yourself and time, but as Baby gets older, your response time lengthens and response frequency lessens. This principle I also learned from Elizabeth Pantley. Co-sleeping, night nursing, and no crying-it-out don't mean you have to sacrifice sleep and be miserable. It just means you approach the problem patiently and compassionately.

4. Attachment parenting is not hard. "Attachment parenting may sound like one big give-a-thon. Initially, there is a lot of giving. This is a fact of new parent life. Babies are takers, and parents are givers. One of the payoffs you will soon experience of attachment parenting is one we call mutual giving – the more you give to your baby, the more baby gives back to you. . . . True, this style of parenting takes a tremendous amount of patience and stamina, but it's worth it. Attachment parenting early on makes later parenting easier, not only in infancy but in childhood and teenage years. . . . When you truly know your child, parenting is easier at all ages."

5. Attachment parenting does not spoil your child. "Attachment parenting implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. . . . There was no scientific basis to this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions." Read the conclusions of research studies here.

Then what is attachment parenting? Dr. Sears sums it up in the 7 Bs:

1. Birth bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding close to baby
5. Belief in the value of Baby's cry
6. Being aware of baby trainers
7. Balance

For more information check out "Attachment Parenting" on the Ask Dr. Sears site and the Attachment Parenting International site.

The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution Giveaway [CLOSED]

My favorite parenting author, Elizabeth Pantley, most notably known for her book The No-Cry Sleep Solution, has come out with another no-cry solution to add to her series: The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution. One piece of advice she gives is reorganizing the food in your kitchen:

What's in your kitchen? A typical home contains plenty of healthy food, along with an assortment of snacks, desserts, and less healthy fare. An adult can sift through all this and decide what's best to eat, picking healthy options and judiciously choosing the right time for and amount of junk food and desserts.Children, however, will naturally be drawn to the tastiest option, with no guilt over the resulting choice. They will open the refrigerator or pantry and pick the most appetizing thing they see.

How can you help your child make better choices? The best way is to put the healthy foods where they can be seen easily and allow your child to choose between the nutritious options in view. Place desserts and junk foods on high shelves or in opaque containers. This way you can dole out the treats when and where you feel they're appropriate.

She also emphasizes the importance of simple family mealtime, advising that "there are four things that shouldn't be brought to the dinner table: lectures, reprimands, rigid expectations, and demands for specific conversation. . . . Families that make a practice of dining together in a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere reap the most benefits."

If this book is anything like the sleep one, then I can guarantee following her counsel will result in miracles! Although Little Misters has no eating problems right now (he's picky with textures but will eat his vegetables pureed), if he ever does, this book will be the first thing I consult for answers.

Elizabeth Pantley is generously giving away a set of seven books on toddler eating and two sets of her seven No-Cry Solution books! All you need to do is blog about the book and send the link, your name, and your email address to her: elizabeth at pantley dot com. Do not comment on this post. The winner will randomly be chosen on November 30. For more information on Elizabeth Pantley and her books, check out her Web site.

To Hit or Not to Hit?

Spanking, slapping, hitting, and cocotasos (hard raps to the head with a fist) were disciplinary actions I grew up with. I was ok with spanking and hitting hands and planned to do so with my children. However, since becoming a mother and researching discipline, I have changed my mind.

I do not think physical discipline is the right answer. Yes, it works in stopping certain behaviors--I remember quitting my actions at the threat of a spanking!--but it is not a good and effective method in the long run.

The attachment parenting Web site sums it up best: "Hitting your son would teach him to fear you rather than trust you and would model that violence is an acceptable way to change someone else's behavior. Hitting will anger and humiliate him, but it won't be effective at teaching him to regulate his emotions or to control his impulses."

1. Fear
This was true in my childhood. I feared my parents' anger. I do not want my child to behave out of fear, especially fear of his parents. I want him to behave because he knows it is right. I read in an article in BYU Magazine about teaching children to make choices based on right and wrong, not on disappointing or sorrowing their parents (or anyone else, for that matter). This way they develop a conscience and moral code that will guide them throughout their lives.

2. Violence
Violence is not an acceptable way to change someone else's behavior. I do not want my son thinking, "Mommy hits me to get me to stop, so I will hit my little brother/sister to get him/her to stop!" Besides, it would be hypocritical to stop my son from hitting others by hitting him.

3. Humiliation
I remember a time when my mother slapped me at 16 or 17. I felt extremely angry and humiliated. I do not want my son to feel that way and damage our relationship. I want him to trust and respect me.

4. Control
The point of discipline is to teach children how to tell right from wrong, how to respond to different situations, and how to regulate emotions and control impulses. What kind of example am I setting to my son by losing my temper and acting on it? If I show my son that I can control myself, then he will learn how to as well. This last point is the one I struggle with the most. I am not perfect at not hitting, although I am against it. I have been guilty of smacking my baby's hand when he hits or scratches me, and I am not proud of it. I have to constantly be on guard and remind myself that my son learns by watching me. (I love how parenthood is shaping me into a better person!)

Elizabeth Pantley discusses more thoroughly the faults of spanking and hitting. How do you feel about hitting and other physical discipline?