Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Q&A with the OB/GYN

Here are some pregnancy FAQs you may find helpful:

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs?
A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory?
A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper quickly enough.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: I'm three months along. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: Ever since I got pregnant, my chest, feet, and butt have grown bigger. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: The farther along I get, the more strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you're fatter than they are.

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped?
A: She will start crying. Be more careful!

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kid is in college.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy

Q: How does one sanitize nipples?
A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q: What are the terrible twos?
A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q: What is the grasp reflex?
A: The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she finishes nursing and puts the baby to sleep first.

from several joke sites
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