Monday, December 27, 2010

How to Stop Nagging Your Husband

The new year is just around the corner--time to think of resolutions. I am the queen of nagging and want to dethrone myself this year. The following advice I have gathered from numerous resources to help me in my quest to stop nagging my husband:

When the hubby first comes home...
  1. Greet him with a smile, hug or kiss, and hello.
  2. Ask him about his day (unless he's not the talking type).
  3. Avoid talking about your day until after he has shared his and has settled in.
  4. Give him 20-60 minutes to relax before asking him to do anything.
When you need something done...
  1. Ask rather than command.
  2. Use a friendly tone of voice. If you sound mad, he will feel resentful and not do it or do it with attitude.
  3. Give him time to do it.
  4. If it isn't done within that time, remind him much later rather than right away. If it is something that needs to be done immediately, explain so he knows why. Ex: "Could you please take out the garbage as soon as possible? There is rotten food in it, stinking up the house and attracting bugs."
After he does what you ask...
  1. Thank him sincerely and enthusiastically.
  2. If he didn't do it perfectly, focus on what he did right. Then the next time he does that thing, remind him specifically what you want done.
  3. Let time pass before asking him to do something else. If he views this as interruptive or inefficient, then group small requests together.
  4. Do something he requests in return.


Mrs. Sanchez said...

This is a good New Year's resolution.

I HIGHLY recommend the content from the book The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I'm not crazy about the writing style, but the content is life/marriage changing. I re-read it everytime I feel I am starting to slip.

Since I am way too controlling, this is often.

In regards to asking for something to be done, Laura Doyle has excellent techniques. IE: Instead of asking him to do something, stating that you want something done. If he does it for you - excellent! Make him feel like a hero. If not, you can find a way to do it by doing it yourself, asking a neighbor or hiring someone.

Francesca said...

I haven't heard of that one. Thanks for the suggestion! The last idea, though, wouldn't work for us. Justin gets upset if I take out the trash, even though he doesn't offer to do it until I'm already halfway done. That's why I am focusing on patience.

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