When the hubby first comes home...
- Greet him with a smile, hug or kiss, and hello.
- Ask him about his day (unless he's not the talking type).
- Avoid talking about your day until after he has shared his and has settled in.
- Give him 20-60 minutes to relax before asking him to do anything.
- Ask rather than command.
- Use a friendly tone of voice. If you sound mad, he will feel resentful and not do it or do it with attitude.
- Give him time to do it.
- If it isn't done within that time, remind him much later rather than right away. If it is something that needs to be done immediately, explain so he knows why. Ex: "Could you please take out the garbage as soon as possible? There is rotten food in it, stinking up the house and attracting bugs."
- Thank him sincerely and enthusiastically.
- If he didn't do it perfectly, focus on what he did right. Then the next time he does that thing, remind him specifically what you want done.
- Let time pass before asking him to do something else. If he views this as interruptive or inefficient, then group small requests together.
- Do something he requests in return.
2 comments:
This is a good New Year's resolution.
I HIGHLY recommend the content from the book The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I'm not crazy about the writing style, but the content is life/marriage changing. I re-read it everytime I feel I am starting to slip.
Since I am way too controlling, this is often.
In regards to asking for something to be done, Laura Doyle has excellent techniques. IE: Instead of asking him to do something, stating that you want something done. If he does it for you - excellent! Make him feel like a hero. If not, you can find a way to do it by doing it yourself, asking a neighbor or hiring someone.
I haven't heard of that one. Thanks for the suggestion! The last idea, though, wouldn't work for us. Justin gets upset if I take out the trash, even though he doesn't offer to do it until I'm already halfway done. That's why I am focusing on patience.
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